1. Q: How do you brainwash a blonde?
A: Give her a douche and shake her upside down.
2. Q: What do you call it when a blonde dies their hair brunette?
A: Artificial intelligence.
3. Q: How do blondes part their hair?
A: They spread their legs.
4. Q: Why do blondes wash their hair in the sink? A: Because that's where you're supposed to wash the vegetables.
5. Q: Why do blondes wear their hair up?
A: To catch as much as they can that is over their heads.
6. Q: Why is it good to have a blonde passenger?
A: You can park in the handicapped zone.
7. Q: How are blondes like turtles?
A: Once on their back, they're both fucked.
8. Q: How do you make a blonde's eyes light up?
A: Shine a flashlight in her ear.
9. Q: Why should blondes not be given coffee breaks?
A: It takes too long to retrain them.
10. Q: How can you tell if a blonde has been using a word processor?
A: There's white-out all over the screen.
11. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a computer? A: You only have to give information to a computer once.
12. Q: What do a blonde and your computer have in common?
A: You don't know how much either of them mean to you until they
go down on you.
13. Q: What did the blonde think of the new computer? A: She didn't like it because she couldn't get channel 9.
14. Q: Why do blondes wear shoulder pads?
A: (Shrugging her shoulders) I dunno!
15. Q: How do you kill a blonde?
A: Put spikes in their shoulder pads.
16. Q: How do blondes pierce their ears?
A: They put tacks in their shoulder pads.
17. Q: Why don't blondes make Kool-Aid?
A: They can't figure out how to get eight cups of water into those
little packages.
18. Q: What do you call a blonde with a dollar on the top of their head?
A: All you can eat, under a buck.
19. Q: Why don't blondes eat pickles?
A: Their heads get stuck in the jar.
20. Q: Why don't blondes eat bananas?
A: They can't find the zipper.
21. Q: Why do blondes wear hoop earings?
A: So they have some place to rest their ankles.
22. Q: What does a blonde put behind her ears to make her more attractive?
A: Her ankles.
23. Q: Why do blondes wear green lipstick?
A: Because red means stop.
24. Q: How can you tell if a blonde has been in your refrigerator?
A: By the lipstick on your cucumbers.
25. Q: Why don't blondes use vibrators?
A: They chip their teeth.
26. Q: Why do blondes wear underwear?
A: They make good ankle warmers.
27. Q: What do blondes do for foreplay?
A: Remove their underwear.
28. Q: What's the mating call of the blonde?
A: "I'm *sooo* drunk!"
29. Q: What is the mating call of the ugly blonde?
A: (Screaming) "I said I'm drunk!"
30. Q: What's a brunette's mating call ?
A: Is that blonde gone yet?
31. Q: What's the mating call of the redhead?
A: "Next!"
32. Q: Why do Blondes like the GST? (GST -- Goods and Services Tax now in
effect in Canada)
A: Because they can spell it.
33. Q: Why do Blondes have TGIF on their shoes?
A: To remind them that Toes Go In First.
34. Q: Why do Blondes have TGIF on their shirts?
A: To remind them that Tits Go In Front.
35. Q: What do you say to a Blonde that won't give in?
A: "Have another beer."
36. Q: What's the first thing a blonde does in the morning? A: Introduces herself, gets dressed, and walks home.
37. Q: What's the first thing a blonde does after sex?
A: Opens the car door.
38. Q: How do blondes turn the light on after having sex ?
A: They open the car door.
39. Q: Why do blondes like tilt steering?
A: More head room.
40. Q: Why do blondes drive cars with sunroofs?
A: More leg room.
41. Q: What important question does a blonde ask her mate before having sex? A: Do you want this by the hour, or the flat rate?
42. Q: Why do blonde girls have trouble achieving orgasms?
A: *Who cares?*
43. Q: Why do blondes have orgasms ?
A: So they know when to stop having sex !
44. Q: What do blondes say when you blow in their ears?
A: "Thanks for the refill!"
45. Q: What is it called when a blonde blows in another blond's ear?
A: Data transfer.
46. Q: What's a blonde's favorite wine?
A: "Daaaady, I want to go to Miaaami!"
47. Q: What does a peroxide blonde and a 747 have in common? A: They both have a black box and a cockpit.
48. Q: What is the difference between a blonde and a 747?
A: Not everyone has been in a 747
49. Q: How do you get a blonde to marry you?
A: Tell her she's pregnant.
50. Q: Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, a dumb blonde, and a smart blonde are
walking down the street when they spot a $10 bill. Who picks it up?
A: The dumb blonde. There is no such thing as Santa Claus,
the tooth fairy, or a smart blonde.
61. Q: Why did the blonde climb over the glass wall?
A: To see what was on the other side.
62. Q: What do you do if a blonde throws a hand grenade at you?
A: Pull the pin and throw it back.
63. Q: Why do Blondes take the pill?
A: So they know what day of the week it is.
64. Q: Why do brunettes take the pill?
A: Wishful Thinking.
65. Q: Why did the blonde have a sore navel?
A: Because her boyfriend was also blond!
66. Q: If a blonde and a brunette are tossed off a building, who hits the
ground first?
A: The brunette. The blonde has to stop to ask for directions.
67. Q: What happens when a blonde gets Alzheimers disease?
A: Her IQ goes up!
68. Q: Whats the difference between a blonde and a Porsche? A: You don't lend the Porsche out to your friend.
69. Q: What is the difference between cold butter and a blonde?
A: Cold butter is difficult to spread.
70. Q: What is the difference between a blonde and a bowling ball? A: You can only get three fingers in a bowling ball.
71. Q: What is the difference between a blonde and "The Titanic"? A: They know how many men went down on "The Titanic".
72. Q: What is the difference between a smart blonde and Bigfoot?
A: Bigfoot has been spotted.
73. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a telephone?
A: It costs 25 cents to use a telephone.
74. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a guy?
A: The blonde has the higher sperm count.
75. Q: What's the difference between a blonde wife and your job? A: Your job still sucks after a couple years.
76. Q: What's the difference between a blonde with PMS and a terrorist?
A: You can negotiate with a terrorist.
77. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and an ironing board? A: It's difficult to open the legs of an ironing board.
78. Q: What do blondes and cow pies have in common? A: The older they are, the easier they are to pick up.
79. Q: What does a screen door and a blonde have in common? A: The more you bang it the looser it gets.
80. Q: What do a blonde and a bottle of beer have in common?
A: They're both empty from the neck up.
81. Q: What do blondes and spagetthii have in common?
A: They both wiggle when you eat them.
82. Q: What do peroxide blondes and black men have in common?
A: They both have black roots.
83. Q: Why did the deaf blonde sit on a newspaper?
A: So she could lip read.
84. Q: How do you drown a blonde?
A: Put a scratch 'n sniff sticker at the bottom of a pool.
85. Q: How do you drown a blonde?
A: Don't tell her to swallow.
86. Q: Why do blondes have square boobs?
A: Because they forgot to take the tissues out of the box.
87. Q: How many blondes does it take to make chocolate-chip cookies? A: Three. One to mix the batter and two to squeeze the rabbit.
88. Q: What job function does a blonde have in an M&M factory?
A: Proofreading.
89. Q: Do you know why the blonde got fired from the M&M factory?
A: For throwing out the W's.
90. Q: How do you tell if a blonde did your landscaping? A: The bushes are darker than the rest of the yard.
91. Q: What did the blonde's mom say to her before her date? A: "If you're not in bed by 12, come home."
92. Q: What's the Blonde's cheer?
A: "I'm blonde, I'm blonde, I'm B.L.O.N....ah, oh well.. I'm blonde,
I'm blonde, yea yea yea..."
93. Q: Why does a blonde only change her baby's diapers every month? A: Because it says right on it "good for up to 20 pounds."
94. Q: How did the blonde try to kill a bird?
A: She threw it off a cliff.
95. Q: Why did the blonde get so excited after she finished her jigsaw
puzzle in only 6 months?
A: Because on the box it said From 2-4 years.
96. Q: What do you say to a blonde with no arms and no legs?
A: "Nice tits!"
97. Q: How does a blonde high-5?
A: She smacks herself in the forehead.
98. Q: Why aren't there many blonde gymnasts?
A: Because when they do the splits, they stick to the floor.
99. Q: Why do blondes have legs?
A1: So they don't get stuck to the ground.
A2: To get between the bedroom and the kitchen.
A3: So they don't leave trails, like little snails.
100. Q: Why did the blonde go half way to Norway and then turn around
and come home?
A: It took her that long to discover that a 14 inch Viking was a
television.
101. Q: How do you describe a blonde, surrounded by drooling idiots?
A: Flattered.
102. Q: What do call 10 blondes standing ear to ear?
A: A wind tunnel.
103. Q: What do you call 15 blondes in a circle?
A: A dope ring.
104. Q: What do you call 20 blondes in a freezer?
A: Frosted Flakes.
105. Q: What do you call a blonde skeleton in the closet?
A: Last year's hide-and-seek champ.
106. Q: What do you call a fly buzzing inside a blonde's head?
A: A space invader.
107. Q: What do you call a blonde in a tree with a brief case?
A: Branch Manager.
108. Q: How does a blonde interpret 6.9?
A: A 69 interrupted by a period.
109. Q: What did the blonde say when she looked into a box of Cheerios?
A: "Oh look! Doughnut seeds!"
110. Q: Why do blondes have two more brain cells than a cow ? A: So they don't shit everywhere when you pull their tits.
111. Q: Why don't blondes breast feed?
A: They always burn their nipples when they try to warm the milk.
112. Q: What did the blonde name her pet zebra?
A: Spot.
113. Q: What do you see when you look into a blonde's eyes?
A: The back of her head.
114. Q: Why do blondes drive VW's
A: Because they can't spell PORSCHE!!
115. Q: How do you make a blonde laugh on Monday morning?
A: Tell her a joke on Friday night.
116. Q: Why did God create blondes?
A: Because sheep can't bring beer from the fridge.
117. Q: Why are dumb blonde jokes so short?
A: So they can remember them.
118. Q: Why are blondes hurt by peoples words?
A: Because people keep hitting them with dictionaries.
119. Q: What did the blonde do when she got her period? A: Looked around for the bastard that must have shot her.
120. Q: What did the blonde say to the physicist? A: "Why, I just _love_ nuclear fission! What do you use for bait?"
121. Q: Why are blondes like cornflakes ?
A: Because they're simple, easy and they taste good.
122. Q: How do you know when a blonde has been making chocolate chip cookies? A: You find M&M shells all over the kitchen floor.
123. Q: How do you keep a blonde busy?
A: Give her a bag of M&M's and have her alphabetize them.
124. Did you here about the blonde that stayed up all night to see where the sun went? It finally dawned on her.
125. A blonde was driving down the highway to Disneyland when she saw
a sign that said "DISNEYLAND LEFT". After thinking for a minute,
she said to herself "Oh well!" and turned around an drove home.
On her way home, the same blonde drove past another sign that said
"CLEAN RESTROOMS 8 MILES". By the time she drove eight miles, she
had cleaned 43 restrooms.
126. A brunette and a blonde are walking along in a park. The brunette
says suddenly, "Awww, look at the dead birdie." The blonde stops,
looks up, and says, "Where?"
127. A policeman pulled a blonde over after she'd been driving the wrong way
on a one-way street.
Cop: Do you know where you were going?
Blonde: No, but wherever it is, it must be bad 'cause all the
people were leaving.
128. A cop stops a blonde woman who was driving down a motorway.
"Miss, may I see your driver's licence please?"
"Driver's licence? What's that?"
"It's a little card with your picture on it."
"Oh, duh! Here it is."
"May I see your car insurance?"
"What's that?"
"It's a paper that says you are allowed to drive the car."
"Oh this? Duh! Here you go."
The cop then takes his dick out of his pants, while the blonde
exclaims:
"Oh no, not another breathalyzer test!"
129. Hubby: "As a start I think you should learn to iron, then we
could do without the ironing lady."
Blonde Wife: "Well, if you would learn to fuck me properly, we could do
without the gardener!"
130. A blonde and a brunette were discussing their boyfriends: Brunette: Last night I had *three* orgasms in a row! Blonde: That's nothing; last night I had over a hundred. Brunette: My god! I had no idea he was that good. Blonde: (looking shocked) Oh, you mean with one guy.
131. Three blondes are attempting to change a light bulb. One of
them decides to call 911:
Blonde: We need help. We're three blondes changing
a light bulb.
Operator: Hmmmmm. You put in a fresh bulb?
Blonde: Yes.
Operator: The power in the house in on?
Blonde: Of course.
Operator: And the switch is on?
Blonde: Yes, yes.
Operator: And the bulb still won't light up?
Blonde: No, it's working fine.
Operator: Then what's the problem?
Blonde: We got dizzy spinning the ladder around and
we all fell and hurt ourselves.
132. Have you heard about the blonde guy whose wife gave birth to twins?
He wanted to know who the other man was.
133. There were three people stranded on an island, a brunette, a redhead,
and a blonde. The brunette looked over the water to the mainland and
estimated about 20 miles to shore. So she announced, "I'm going to
try to swim to shore." So she swam out five miles, and got really
tired. She swam out ten miles from the island, and she was too tired
to go on, so she drowned.
The second one, the redhead, said to herself, "I wonder if she made it.
I guess it's better to try to get to the mainland than stay here and
starve." So she attempts to swim out. The redhead had a lot more
endurance than the brunette, as she swam out 10 miles before she even
got tired. After 15 miles, she was too tired to go on, so she drowned.
So the blonde thought to herself, "I wonder if they made it! I think
I'd better try to make it, too." So she swam out 5 miles, ten miles,
15 miles, NINETEEN miles from the island. The shore was just in sight,
but she said, "I'm too tired to go on!" So she swam back.
134. This blonde and her boyfriend were sitting in a hot tub when
the blonde said to her boyfriend, "Is it true that if you pull
you finger out, I'll sink?"
135. Two blondes were walking through the woods and came to some tracks. The first said they were some deer tracks and the second said bear tracks. They were both still arguing when the train hit them.
136. Two blondes were in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of their Mercedes with a coat hanger. The first one said "I can't seem to get this door unlocked!" The second replies "Well, you'd better hurry up and try harder, its starting to rain and the top is down!"
137. Q: What do you get when you turn blondes upside-down?
A: Brunettes.
138. Q: Why was the blonde depressed when she received her driver's license?
A: Because she got an F in sex.
139. Did you hear about the blonde who:
had more on her body than on her mind?
was called "Sanka" because she had no active ingredient in the bean?
took an hour to cook Minute Rice?
got into the taxi, and the driver kept the "Vacant" sign up?
was an M.D. - Mentally Deficient?
had a terrific stairway, but nothing upstairs?
thought nitrates was cheaper than day rates?
was told she was a silly puss, but insisted she didn't have a crazy cat?
after watching the ballerinas, wondered why they didn't get taller girls?
went to a nudist camp for a game of strip poker?
brought her cosmetics with her for a make-up exam?
140. Q: What do you call two nuns and a blonde?
A: Two tight ends and a wide receiver.
141. There were three women who were at the gynecologist having pre-natal
checkups The doctor asked the first woman "in what position was the
baby conceived?"
"He was on top" she replyed.
"You will have a boy!" the doctor exclaimed.
The second woman was asked the same question.
"I was on top" was the reply.
"You will have a baby girl." said the doctor.
With this, the third woman, a blonde, burst into tears.
"Whats the matter?" asked the doctor.
"Am I going to have puppies?"
142. Q: What do you call a brunette, 2 blondes, Miss America, and another
blonde standing on a street corner?
A: Regular price, 4 bucks, 4 bucks, not for a zillion bucks, 4 bucks!
143. Q: What's the difference between a blond and a shopping cart?
A: A shopping cart has a mind of it's own.
144. Q: What do you call a blonde lesbian?
A: A waste.
145. Q: How would a blond punctuate the following?: "Fun. fun. fun worry worry worry" A: Fun period fun period fun NO PERIOD worry worry worry!
146. Blondes...
They take a lickin', and keep on...
Lickin!
147. Did you hear about the blonde couple that were found frozen to death
in their car at a drive-in movie theater?
They went to see "Closed for the Winter".
148. Q: What goes vroom, screech, vroom, screech, vroom, screech? A: A blonde going through a flashing red light.
149. Q: What does a blonde say when you ask her if her blinker is on?
A: It's on. It's off. It's on. It's off. It's on. It's off. It's on.
It's off.
150. Q: What is the difference between a blonde and the Grand Old Duke of
York?
A: The Grand Old Duke of York only 'had' 10000 men !
151. Q: What's a blonde's favorite nursery rhyme?
A: Humpme Dumpme.
152. Q: Why aren't blondes good cattle herders?
A: Because the can't even keep two calves together!
153. Q: Why do blondes tattoo their zipcode under their belly button? A: So they can get the male into the right box.
154. Q: What do blondes and cow chips have in common? A: The older they get, the easier they are to pick up.
155. Q: What do you call a basement full of blondes?
A: A whine cellar.
156. Q: What do you call a dumb blonde behind a steering wheel?
A: An air bag.
157. Q: Why did the blonde cross the road?
A: Who cares, why is she out of the kitchen anyway?
158. Q: Why is a blonde like an old washing machine?
A: They both drip when they're fucked.
159. Q: Why is a washing machine better than a blonde?
A: Because you can drop your load in a washing machine, and it
won't follow you around for a week.
160. Did you hear the one about the blonde who thought that "love handles"
referred to her ears?
161. Q: What do a blonde and Gorbachev have in common? A: They both got fucked by 10 men whilst on holiday.
162. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and Gorbachev?
A: He knows who the ten men were.
163. Q: Why did they call the blonde "Twinkie"?
A: She was always being filled with cream.
164. Q: What do you call a zit on a blonde's butt?
A: A brain tumor.